I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
