never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
How's work?
Spinning.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
