The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
