So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
