i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
