we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
