i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
