they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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