Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
