I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
