My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
