Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
