So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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