Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
