May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
