Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
