Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
