i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
