wrigley field is MILF paradise
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
being pregnant is like rehab
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
