OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
