Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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