I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
