We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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