You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
