I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
