No awkward lesbian experiences without me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
