i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
