forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
