After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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