Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So vagazzling was a success
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
