After last night, I could never be a politician.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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