and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
