someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
