I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
