I wish life had little blips of pornography
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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