Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
