Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
