Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
