True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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