my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
