I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
