10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
