we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
