I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
