I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
