everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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