i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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