I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
