legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
