I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
