I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
