I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she told me i tasted like america
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
