Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
