I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
