Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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