Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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