i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
